Relationships and Entanglements!

Hello Everyone,

Today’s topic – relationship and entanglement is a very intriguing and thought provoking subject. I have been thinking about this for a long time, after some research – could gather the maturity to write on this.

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” — Oscar Wilde

Let me start with saying that we all are in relationships and we do respect them. But do we really understand the difference between a real relationship and an entanglement. True relationships involve creation and connection – and entanglements that don’t!

Every time I go out in public – and observe behaviour of people with one another, I see few people relating with each other. I see so many who claim to be in good relationships, but honestly don’t understand the real meaning of a healthy relationship. And nowadays with this insane number of social media coverages, our most special moments have gone public, we are addicted to the opinions of others rather than enjoying the intimacy of that moment privately.  Well, this is the current fashion so we all just go with it. I feel we are losing the intimacy of our relationships – that’s just a personal opinion!

If we take the word relationship – even saying it, makes me feel as if I have won something (just like championship)! Relationships are the cornerstones of human civilizations and are gateways to new life. Just think about it – relationships are basis of our family ties, foundation where the family grows, love is shared, relationship adds meaning to human existence and connection.

Human connection meaning – like a baby holding your finger with her whole hand, someone just randomly complimenting you when you are having a bad day or an uplifting conversation with an old friend. These are different facets of human connection, this is a very generous, one of a kind thing. Human connection is intrinsic, intimate and uplifting.

Now what is true or real relationship and how is it different from entanglement. Relationships are harmonious in nature. They are fluid, like dancing, constantly changing and evolving, there is always room for growth. They bring joy, prosperity and life. A good relationship is born out of the plans of two happy people.

Entanglements are different, they are cumbersome and impede growth. There is no growth because plan or space for growth is never planned into an entanglement. People fall into entanglement and call it love because they feel so strongly about it. Entanglements prevent people from knowing themselves and their partners well. There is no space to grow or create something better, no room for dancing, only a desire to fulfil an unmet need.

Space and Presence

The most or one of the most important components in a relationship is space. Space or room to dance in a relationship. We are actually creators and we can create this space if we want to from day one. A person is not known for his body, attachments or skin, but a person is known for his thoughts (the mind). If a person is full of faith, fulfilment, confidence and is in a deep personal relationship with himself, such a person’s aura surpasses the body and these positive vibes rubs onto everyone that they come close to. This is called “presence” – it’s beyond the body, it’s the power of the mind. For example, when someone powerful walks into a room – the whole room gets affected or inspired by their presence. The power is not contained in their bodies, it’s the mind and everyone knows it!

Now the opposite of this scenario is a person who has less faith on himself, low on confidence and does not have deep personal relationship with himself. He is insecure about himself and everyone around him. Such a person is full of doubt and therefore always tries to supress the freedom of others. Therefore, to create space and your presence first you need to know yourself and have a deep personal relationship with yourself. First feed the god inside you, love yourself. Do not make your partners – God, and expect them to fulfil your innermost wishes. Your inner fulfilment will come only from you.

Many a times we settle for entanglements because we have no faith that there is a better way. We don’t think we deserve better rather we keep thinking that we get everything that we deserve and there is no way out, we don’t believe in ourselves that we can achieve anything better than this. We are conditioned that way. Hence assessment is necessary for healthy relationships.

Make an assessment

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” — Lao Tzu

When people are focused on creating and generating, they build space into their partnerships for expansion and dancing😊! Whereas if you get into a relationship due to loneliness, misery, despair, boredom or bad circumstances/ sympathy you are most likely been part of an entanglement.

Some of the indicators (entanglements) are: stagnancy, cannot express yourself/ your inner truth, weighs you down/ burns you out, restricts your freedom (in the good sense) and space, does not allow growth, distracts you from your creativity, makes you question your self-worth, insecurity, blame game, these are to name a few!!

Now the question is we cannot avoid entanglements all together – but what we can do to make our relationships better — is we need to become Creators and we need to Inspire!!

Become an Inspiration and Creator

“Love does not dominate; it cultivates.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Feelings are very powerful and at times they can make the truth seem insubstantial. Feelings are hard to avoid and actually we do need feelings to navigate life. The key is to respond positively to your feelings rather than allow it to drive your life. We should be in control of our responses to emotions else they may lead you off the cliff!

One of the most important emotions that leads us to partner with others is inspiration. If we are humans, then the beauty of another human inspires you. Inspiration is a healthy and natural emotion, if we didn’t have it, we wouldn’t exist. Inspiration should create generosity and creativity, we should not be getting along with another person to mutually get desires or needs fulfilled.

Musician Jacob Scanlon said “Inspiration is the responsibility to create”.

This is so amazingly true!! we should view inspiration as the desire to attain, see it as a responsibility to create, an obligation to make something better. Inspiration is a reminder that we are responsible for the good things in life.

We need to change our mindset in our relationships. We have become like consumers (maybe not all but majority of people are like consumers) – “how much can I get? What can I take?”. Most people love to the extent that they can get in return – this is some kind of selfish love. We need to start thinking – “what can I create to make things better? how can I give off myself and make life worthwhile?

If we continue to be like consumers one day, there will be nothing we can take from our relationships – it’s only going to give diminishing returns. These are entanglements which we are tricked to believe as romance.

We all human beings can become creators that’s the only way out to good relationships. To unleash your potential in relationships, you must fully acknowledge your status as a creator. Creators create – they just don’t take. Creators are not consumers, creators don’t drain the relationship, they only make it bloom. Start asking yourself – what beautiful can I create out of this relationship? How can I inspire my loved ones? How can I give of myself to this? Our life’s and partnerships will change.

Like anything else this too needs practice and practice makes a man perfect. Get into a routine of being aware of your emotions and respond positively to them. Come up with your creative responses on how to deal with emotions you encounter – “what can I do to explore my inner truth through this feeling?”. If you want successful relationships embrace your role as creator and don’t let anyone put a limit to your thoughts and beliefs. Never let the voice of your inner wisdom drown!   

“It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell and, giving out nothing, receive nothing and therefore shrink until life is a mere living death.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

Thank you for being with me. Smile always – Molly:)